Why It's Called a Goodbye Read online

  Why It's Called a Goodbye

  T.M. Shivener

  Copyright © 2021 T.M. Shivener

  All rights reserved.

  This book is a work of fiction. The characters, events, or real places portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

  Edited by Lisa Lee

  Proofread by Sheina Kegley

  Cover design by Murphy Rae

  Imprint: Independently published by T.M. Shivener

  Magdalene, this book is for you. I hope you one day find your happily ever after.

  Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  TWELVE

  THIRTEEN

  FOURTEEN

  FIFTEEN

  SIXTEEN

  SEVENTEEN

  EIGHTEEN

  NINETEEN

  TWENTY

  TWENTY-ONE

  TWENTY-TWO

  TWENTY-THREE

  TWENTY-FOUR

  TWENTY-FIVE

  TWENTY-SIX

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  TWENTY-NINE

  THIRTY

  THIRTY-ONE

  THIRTY-TWO

  THIRTY-THREE

  THIRTY-FOUR

  THIRTY-FIVE

  THIRTY-SIX

  THIRTY-SEVEN

  Epilogue

  ACKNOWLEMENTS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Books By This Author

  This book contains MATURE and GRAPHIC content and is intended for readers 18+.

  ONE

  I caught him red-handed.

  He had been hiding his phone more. He used to keep it screen-side up on the table. Now, it’s never screen-side up. It’s rarely on the table. He’s rarely ever home.

  I’ve never gone through his phone before, that’s not me. I always thought if he wanted to be with someone else, he would have had the balls to just tell me.

  Stephen would never cheat on me. He loves me. He loves Sawyer and Atticus.

  He’d never do anything to ruin our marriage, but here I stand in the parking lot of the family dental office in town. My husband’s dental office. There are only two cars in the parking lot, his and what I can only assume is hers. He had her name saved under Kitty. I hope Kitty is some weird nickname he gave her.

  She probably works for him – the receptionist or maybe a dental hygienist. I’m sure she makes sure her cleavage hangs out. He likes that.

  I tried to work for him once. He’s a horrible boss, so I couldn’t do it.

  I picked up a pack of cigarettes on my way over here. I don’t smoke. Never have, unless you count that one time in high school when I was trying to look cool and fit in with the in-crowd. I take a drag. It burns, so I let out the smoke before it has time to go deeper down my throat and into my lungs. I hope it chills me out a little before I walk up in there and cut a bitch. With the cigarette in one hand, I tap the fingertips of my other on my thumb.

  I make it to the door and throw my lit cigarette in the bush. Maybe it’ll catch the whole damn place on fire. I lean in, remove it from the bush, and stamp it out with my foot. I know he needs the practice to live. Why do I even care if he’s able to make a living after I’m gone?

  I’m not even mad at her. I’m pissed at him. He’s married. He shouldn’t be messing around with someone else. If he doesn’t want me, he doesn’t want me. That’s fine. I can live with him leaving, but I cannot and will not live with a cheater.

  I have to catch him in the act. I know Stephen – he’ll deny it to his grave unless he’s caught and can’t talk his way out of it. It’ll be too obvious if I go in the front door. I turn and walk around to the side of the building. I lean up on my tiptoes attempting to look through the blinds, but they’re all shut, so I can’t see anything. I move to his office window, but the blinds are pulled down as well. It’s cracked open though, so I move closer and close my eyes to hear better.

  I don’t know why I think closing my eyes helps me hear better, but it does. I hear faint murmurs. It’s Stephen’s voice, but it isn’t coming from the office. I go around to the back and use my key to open the door. I shut it slowly behind me making sure to not make any unnecessary noise.

  I follow the voices down the hall and to the right. He was adamant that none of the exam rooms have doors when he built this building. The curtain is pulled around the exam chair in room three. I can see his pants down around his ankles and a pair of women’s knees on the floor. Scuffed up red-bottom high heels.

  He moans, “That’s my pretty little Kitty.”

  I can’t see, but I know he’s stroking her hair the same way he strokes mine when I’m in that same position. He doesn’t call me Kitty, though. He calls me Addy Bear.

  I take my phone out of my pocket and snap multiple pictures of the scene, making sure that lawyers will be able to know that he is in fact the man behind the curtain with his trousers down being sucked off by Kitty. Instead of making a scene, which I’d much rather do, but I don’t because my anxiety can’t take any confrontation right now, I record a little video of their rendezvous. It’s taking everything in me to not pull the curtain open right now.

  I turn around and walk slowly back down the hall until I reach the back door where I make sure it slams shut on my way out. I light up another cigarette and make my way to my car.

  I have zero clue what the boys and I are going to do, but we’re leaving him. They’ll hate me for it. I can’t stay, I can’t. I’ve stuck around longer than I would have for them. I can’t stay now that I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I’m probably the laughingstock of this town, and I was too wrapped up in the boys to even notice.

  Well, not anymore.

  I call my mom.

  Her familiar voice echoes from the phone, “Hey, honey, how are the boys?”

  She sounds happy to hear from me. I’ve been so entirely wrapped up in my own life that I’ve left her on the back burner. “They’re fine, Mom. Do you care if we come to visit?”

  “You guys are welcome anytime; you know that, Addy.”

  I choke back a sob. “We’ll be heading your way tomorrow or maybe the next day.”

  “Don’t the boys have school?”

  Crap, it is Wednesday. “Y-yes, they do. They’re using education days. We’re gonna visit the Rankin House while we’re back home,” I lie. I never lie to Mom. Not since I was a teen.

  “Okay, honey. I’ll let your pops know. We’re excited you guys are coming to visit! You guys haven’t visited in a while. Is Stephen coming?”

  “He isn’t coming. I gotta go, Mom. See you in a couple days.” Even if this were a normal visit, Stephen wouldn’t be coming. He never makes time to do anything with us. The last time we visited my parents was at the end of the school year for the boys and that was months ago.

  I text my best friend, who is also a lawyer.

  Me: You know any good divorce lawyers?

  Inez: Y
ou’re kidding, right?

  Me: A little. I need you to help me file for divorce.

  Inez: You can’t just text me things like this. I’m about to walk into a meeting, but I’m calling you directly after, and you’re telling me what the heck is going on!!!

  On the drive home, my chest begins to hurt. It’s hurting so bad it’s making it difficult to breathe. I think I might need to contact my doctor too. It feels like I’m having a panic attack. It’s either that, or I’m having a heart attack. With what I just witnessed, it could be both. I read somewhere that you actually can die of a broken heart, and mine sure is broken right now.

  I’ve been with Stephen as long as I can remember. He was my first real boyfriend, my high school sweetheart. We began dating the summer before my senior year of high school. He had just graduated and was on his way to college after the summer was over.

  That summer, I became a sucker for a tall redhead.

  It was only supposed to be a summer fling. I knew he was leaving, and I wasn’t. I held out the entire summer and gave him my virginity the night before he left for Colorado. In my teenage mind, I thought giving it to him before he left was a good thing, but then I was attached and missed him like crazy.

  We used protection that time, but when he came home for Christmas break, we weren’t careful, and I wasn’t on birth control. I didn’t think we’d do it again, but he asked, and I wanted to please him. I was in love with him.

  I was pregnant for the second half of my senior year of high school, but I hid it well. No one really knew until graduation when my belly grew three times the size it was the night before. I wasn’t even able to zip up my graduation gown.

  My friends took it way better than my parents.

  My mom took me to the doctor’s office the next day. We didn’t even have an appointment. It was so embarrassing. She practically dragged me from the car to the office. She walked up and screamed at the receptionist, “Can’t you see she’s pregnant? We need to see the doctor!”

  The receptionist politely told my mother we needed an appointment. My mother didn’t think that was a good enough answer. We sat there for hours until the doctor saw me. Turns out, I wasn’t just a pregnant teen. I was a teen who was pregnant with twins. That was a shock to everyone.

  Stephen and I married over the summer before the boys were born. I stayed with my parents until they were born in September. The boys, Stephen and I moved into family housing close to campus all the way in Colorado. His family wasn’t very supportive at first, but they did pay for anything we needed while he was in college.

  I tried college, but it was too much with newborns. I dropped out and became a stay-at-home mom. After Stephen graduated, we moved to rural eastern Kentucky where he started his practice.

  But now he’s a cheating bastard, and I hate him. I clutch my chest as I pull off the road. I’ve got to get it together before I go home. The boys will know something is wrong. I very rarely leave them home alone even though they’re fourteen.

  I told them I was going to the store to get chicken for dinner.

  When I walk in the door, the boys are fighting over a video game controller. “Boys.”

  They turn their heads in unison. They’re not identical. Sawyer looks more like me, blonde hair and hazel green eyes while Atticus looks more like his father, red hair and bright green eyes. They’re both tall, much taller than I am.

  “Where’s the chicken?” Atticus asks.

  I look down at my empty hands, “When I got to the store, I realized I had some out in the deep freeze.”

  I walk into the kitchen and begin cooking.

  Stephen hasn’t come home yet.

  The boys and I finished dinner over an hour ago. I began packing earlier. I told the boys while we were eating that we’re going to visit my parents in Ohio. They seemed excited, but they don’t know we aren’t coming back here.

  I hate to move them so far away from their dad, but I have no way to support them here, and I want to be far away from Stephen and Kitty.

  When I get out of the shower, Stephen is standing by the open door. He moves in the bathroom and wraps his arms around my dripping wet body. I can still smell her on him.

  “Not tonight, Stephen,” I say as I shove his shoulders.

  “You never want to anymore.”

  “I never want to anymore?” I laugh. “I think you’re having enough sex for the both of us with Kitty.”

  His eyes grow large, and he opens and shuts his mouth twice before saying, “If that’s what you want to think, then whatever.”

  “Fuck you, Stephen. I saw her feeling right at home between your legs tonight at your office.” I lower my voice. “I’m sleeping in the guest room. The boys and I are going to my parents’ for the weekend.”

  “Tomorrow is Thursday, Addy.”

  “So, I need some time away from you to decide where we go from here.” I’ve made up my mind. I’m divorcing his ass as soon as I can.

  “The boys can stay with me.”

  I laugh again, “Are you going to make sure they get up and go to school and don’t burn the house down while you’re fucking Kitty?” He doesn’t say anything. I cross my arms over my bare chest. “That’s what I thought. Move so I can get dressed.”

  My phone lights up on the guest room nightstand right as I begin to drift off to sleep. I’ve been trying to fall asleep for hours now. I’m so pissed off I can’t sleep. We should have headed to my parents’ tonight. I don’t want to be here another minute.

  I check my phone and there are eighteen messages from Stephen I ignore.

  Inez: Sorry I wasn’t able to call after my meeting. Call me in the morning.

  Me: Stephen’s been cheating. I have proof. I’m coming home tomorrow.

  Inez: Home, as in here?

  Me: Yep

  Inez: Let me know when you’re in town and I’ll make time to see you.

  Me: Will do

  Inez has been my best friend since we were five years old. She lives in the same small town we grew up in and commutes every day to her law firm in the city. Even though we don’t get to see each other much, we have always kept in touch, and she’s the only person I’d trust to help me. She’ll tell me where I stand.

  It’s sad that we’ve lived here for nine years, and besides the ladies on the PTA, I don’t have any friends. Just Inez back home.

  I hate that I let Stephen be the bread winner, whereas I can’t even support my kids. I don’t want a dime of his money. He can keep it and spend it on Kitty.

  I never thought I’d leave Stephen, but I can’t stay now.

  TWO

  Everything is linked to Stephen. Everything is in his name. The car I’m driving, the credit cards, the bank accounts, and the house. The house that is disappearing behind me as I drive the boys and I down the lane.

  I told them we were going for a long weekend at my parents’. I don’t know how to tell them what’s going on. I’m not sure I have a great grasp on reality at the moment. I just know I have to get the hell away from their dad and Kitty and this damn town. I never wanted to live here anyway. I’ve done everything for him and now I’m going to do something for myself.

  I’ll have to enroll them in school soon. They’ll need to start on Monday by the very latest. I don’t want them to get behind, but how am I going to tell them the life they’ve always known is now a thing of the past?

  Mom and Pops were still at the hardware store when we got to their house. I used the spare key Mom still keeps under the garden frog out front to let us in. I really wish she wouldn’t keep it there; I’m sure the entire town knows where it is by now.

  I set the boys up in my old room and I’m taking the den. There’s only a twin-size bed in there, but I had an old mattress stuffed underneath for when Inez would sleep over. The boys haven’t come out of there since we got here a few hours ago.

  My phone begins to vibrate on the kitchen counter as I am finishing converting the couch in the den into a bed.


  “Hey, Inez.”

  “Don’t you hey me. What’s going on? I didn’t think you and Stephen were even having trouble. Not enough that you’d want a divorce over anyway.”

  “I can’t say a whole lot right now. The boys are upstairs.” I pause and speak in a whisper, “There’s another woman.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Pretty sure. I’ll send you the video. Hold on.” I click a few buttons and put the phone back to my ear.

  “The video? How did you get a video?”

  “Just watch it and tell me where to go from here. I’m at my parents’. Can you meet up anytime soon?”

  “I’m sorry, but I’m busy with work stuff. I'll be free Sunday. Wanna do brunch?”

  “Sure. See you then.” I hang up and throw my phone on the couch bed.

  I step out on the back porch. It’s screened in and feels nice on this late August evening. I need to smoke, but I don’t want the boys to know I smoke. My desperate need to calm my anxiety has turned me into a smoker. I really need to see a doctor.

  I sneak out and down the steps making sure the screen door shuts easy. I walk around to the side of the house and pick up my cigarettes that I shoved beside the corner post of the fence.

  I have to strike the lighter twice to get the flame to come out the top. I watch as the orange flame flicks around in the autumn breeze. There is a little blue spot at the bottom of the flame, and I remember learning in high school science class that the blue part of the flame is the hottest.

  I move the filter to my lips, and I hear the screen door open. Atticus yells, “Mom, we’re hungry!” I throw the pack of cigarettes and lighter over the fence. I butt out the lit one and head back inside.

  Mom and Pops should be home soon. I called and spoke with the school earlier, and they said the boys can start tomorrow if they want, but I’m going to wait and start them on Monday. I don’t want to ruin their first few days here if I can help it.

  I pick up the phone and call down to the store.

  My mother’s customer service voice comes from the other side of the line, “Jenkins Family Hardware, Millie speaking. How may I assist you?”