Why It's Called a Goodbye Read online

  My phone vibrates in my pocket as I shut the hatch to my trunk. It went dark out while I was in the store, and I hate being alone after the sun sets. When I’m in the driver’s seat and the doors are locked, I check my phone.

  Malcom: What’d you buy me?

  Me: Huh?

  Malcom: I’m parked right beside you. Look up and to your right.

  I look up to a smiling Malcom sitting in his car. I need to be more aware of my surroundings.

  Me: You following me?

  Malcom: Maybe…

  Me: Malcom

  Malcom: I was getting Chinese to go.

  I look over and he’s holding up a plastic bag.

  Malcom: I’m sure there’s enough here for both of us. You don’t eat much.

  Me: I eat.

  Malcom: Well, follow me to my house and eat then.

  Me: I might.

  Malcom: Suit yourself.

  Me: Why do you do that?

  Malcom: Do what?

  Me: Never mind. You better not start a rumor that I stalk you.

  Malcom: Crap. I started that one earlier right before I started the one where you eat fisheyes on the weekends while wearing a bikini in your bathtub.

  Me: You’re so weird.

  Malcom: Well, I’m heading home to eat.

  Me: Okay, okay, I’m following.

  I’m slurping noodles like I’m home alone and not sitting in front of Malcom Murray. I don’t know why I had imagined he’d be this ass. He isn’t, or at least he hasn’t been to me. Everyone around town seems to love him, even my parents, and they never really cared for Stephen.

  “Now that soccer’s over, do you coach any other sports?” I ask.

  “No, I only coach high school soccer. I also coach an indoor soccer league for Elsie, but it’s over for this session.”

  “Oh, where is she tonight?”

  “With Angie.”

  I nod like I know who Angie is.

  He swallows his bite before saying, “Angie is Elsie’s mom’s mom.”

  I wonder why he always refers to her as Elsie’s mom and not her name? “What about your parents?” I ask even though I’m not sure he’ll give up much.

  “They retired to Florida. They come here for the holidays that I don’t go to them.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “Yeah, they only live a couple hours away from Disney.”

  “We took the boys to Disney for Christmas when they were ten.”

  “I think Elsie’s been every year since she was born.”

  I know he didn’t have any siblings. “Do you have any family around here?”

  “No, my grandparents passed away when I was in my early twenties. I stay here because it’s all Elsie’s known, and Angie helps out a lot.”

  He’s starting to look sad, and I want us to have a good evening. “Have you started Christmas shopping yet?” I ask.

  “No, I don’t know what to get an eight-year-old little girl. I normally give Angie money to buy stuff from me and Santa. If I didn’t do that, she’d end up with mostly boy stuff.”

  “I think I’m going to give my boys gift cards. They’re so hard to buy for.” I wait for him to finish with his food. “Sorry, I hadn’t told you yet, but Stephen knows we're seeing each other. Well, I know we aren’t seeing each other like that, but he knows we’ve hung out. I don’t know how he knows, but he does.”

  “Should you not be here right now?”

  I stand and step closer to his side, placing my right hand on his left thigh. “I’m right where I want to be.”

  He’s closer to my height while sitting down. I lean in and lick the outside of his left ear. His hand halts mine from moving closer to his zipper. “Don’t start something you don’t plan to finish, Sugar Tits.”

  I make sure my lips touch his ear as I say, “Oh, I plan to finish.” Then I rub his pants above his growing shaft.

  He drops his hands beside his body and spreads his legs open wide, “Okay then. I’m all yours.”

  I go back to torturing his ear as my left hand unzips his pants and slips underneath his boxers. His erection jerks under my touch, and his hips move slightly as he lets out a long exhale.

  Malcom removes my hand from its place and says, “I changed my mind.” He guides me to the couch and bends me over the arm with my backside up in the air. He uses both his hands to gently rub my cheeks. Then grabs ahold of my hips while saying, “I want you like this.”

  SEVENTEEN

  For the past couple of weekends, while the boys have been gone to their dad’s, I’ve spent most of my free time with Malcom. He even let me tag along with him and Elsie when they went to the Monkey Man’s house to pick pumpkins out of his garden.

  We walked up and down the three small rows of pumpkins following behind her as she drug around a little red wagon. She would point at a pumpkin, and Malcom would pick it and place it in her wagon. They did this until the wagon was full. Then Malcom loaded them in the back of his Explorer.

  The Monkey Man invited us inside, but I was a little skeptical. His house was a bit run down on the outside. His long stringy hair was the color of pepper. His mustache covered up his lips, and when he smiled, he only had one front tooth.

  Elsie enjoyed looking at all the animals. The baby raccoons, which he had removed from my parents’ store, were getting big. He said they still refused to eat. Elsie fed one with a baby bottle. I was scared it might scratch or bite her. I don’t know how raccoons normally act, but it curled up in her arms and even helped hold the bottle up some.

  By the time we left, all three of us smelled of burning wood and must.

  The Monkey Man seems like an okay guy. He was very kind to us and wouldn’t even accept any money for the pumpkins. I guess you really shouldn’t judge a person by what they look like on the outside.

  Tonight, Malcom said he and Diego were hanging out. I told him that I’d spend some time with Inez, but he was adamant that we all hang out together again. He said Inez is the only person or subject Diego speaks of when he talks to him now. She’s busy a lot. I told him I couldn’t make any promises she’d be there.

  Me: You up for a double date?

  Inez: Huh?

  Me: You, me, Malcom and Diego. Tonight, at Brew and View.

  Inez: As long as you quit calling it a date, I’ll be there.

  Me: Whatever, four friends hanging out then…

  Sawyer and Atticus left early this morning with their father. They haven’t said anything about driving that Maserati, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re keeping that from me. Stephen hasn’t been picking them up on Fridays anymore. He’s only been spending about twenty-four hours with them on the weekends now. If the divorce were final, I’d say he wouldn’t even be seeing them that often.

  I didn’t want to be too intrusive, but I did ask if their dad had anyone over while they’re with him. Atticus said they mostly spend their time in their bedrooms while he’s in his office. They said he really has taken up working out and spends a lot of time doing that. I didn’t pressure them about a woman being around. They probably don’t want to hurt my feelings by saying someone is there.

  After I get ready for the night, I still have an hour to kill before I need to leave. I head downstairs to see what Mom and Pops are up to. Pops is sitting in the living room chair watching Mom put up the Christmas tree.

  I say, “Mom, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet.”

  Mom circles the tree with popcorn garland ignoring my response. When she’s finished with the strand, she says, “Why don’t you help me finish like you did back when you were little? I’d really enjoy that.”

  Normally I would have huffed and whined that I didn’t want to do that, but now that I have kids of my own, I understand where she’s coming from. I pick up an ornament that’s the shape of a star made from popsicle sticks. They’ve been painted yellow, and there’s a small picture of me in the center. I turn it over, and it reads, ‘Addy 1993 age 5’.

  I add it to
a bare spot and remember that all of the ornaments the boys have made me over the years are at Stephen’s, and it makes me sad. I know they are as much his as they are mine. The boys made them for both of us, but he won’t appreciate them.

  Most people place the tree topper last, but my mom always places her turtle doves last. Two white doves with three eggs in a nest that she nestles right in the center of the tree.

  When I left, my parents were out on the porch swing. They are very lucky to have each other, and I know it hasn’t always been easy on them. They had hoped to have had more than one child. I know neither of them are really thrilled about me writing romance, but it’s okay money, for now. I only recently told them about Writer’s Talent Inc. because they had been asking me what I was working on.

  Maybe I’ll luck into an editorial job at a paper or a publishing house, but until then, I have to do something to earn my own money.

  Inez is sitting in the parking lot when I arrive at The Brew and View. I’m beginning to wonder if the guys hold some kind of stock in this place because it seems like the only place they hang out. Not that there are a lot of different places close.

  Inez steps out of her car looking like she’s about to go to bed. “Are you really wearing your pj’s right now?” I ask. I’m wearing a mustard dress with knee high boots and she’s wearing sweatpants and a Yale hoodie, which is very similar to her getup the last time we all hung out.

  She shrugs. “It’s just friends having drinks.”

  We find the guys sitting at the table we sat at last time we were here. I sit down next to Malcom which forces her to sit next to Diego.

  “Você é muito gostosa,” Diego says, as he touches Inez’s hand on the table and looks into her eyes.

  “Did you just tell me I’m delicious?” she asks.

  He laughs and then Malcom laughs. Malcom says, “He said you’re very sexy.”

  “You all have jokes, huh,” Inez says and takes a drink of ice water.

  Malcom, “He’s not joking. He has this thing for girls who put in little effort. It’s more attractive to him. He was giving you a compliment.”

  “Well, thank you, Diego,” Inez utters. “Didn’t you say on the way in you needed to go to the bathroom, Adaline?”

  I said no such thing, but I can tell she must want to talk about something in private. I follow her from the table to the girls’ room. When we get past the doors, she checks under each stall before cornering me against the wall. I giggle because I don’t know why she’s upset.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, confused.

  “What is going on?”

  “Malcom said you are all Diego talks about. He likes you, and since you’re single, I thought maybe you guys…”

  “Why do you think I’m single?”

  “I just… you never said you had a boyfriend. I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  “What’s the problem then? Does Diego repulse you or something? He’s tall, dark, and handsome and even has an accent.” And he can speak in more than one language. Talk about hot.

  “How have you been my best friend for my entire life and not figured it out yet? I just assumed you knew and didn’t say anything.” She pauses and backs up. “I’m gay, Addy. I have a girlfriend.”

  I go to say something, but then shut my mouth and think. She never did date in high school. I’ve never seen her with a man. I thought she just loved being single and doing her own thing. How have I not put two and two together before? Her grandparents raised her. Her grandmother passed a couple years ago, and her grandfather is in a nursing home. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “Because I was ashamed when we were younger, and then it just never came up. I only started dating Juliet a few months ago.”

  “Well, don’t hide her. I want to meet her sometime!”

  “Of course, soon.”

  I can’t wait to meet her. I bet she’s beautiful, but Diego is practically in love with her, and if we go back out there, he might ask her to marry him. I don’t think he’ll go that far tonight, but he already told her she was sexy, and I’m thinking he wants to get in her pants. “What are we going to tell the guys?”

  “How about the truth? I tell enough lies at work.”

  As we walk back to the table, I wonder how many people’s lies she’s covered up over the past few years. I know she took an oath to keep secrets, but that has to be hard on a person.

  The guys took the news better than I thought. Diego did look a little sad, but then there was a gleam in his eyes as if he had gotten an idea. It only took me a few seconds to see where his mind had gone. He’s crazy if he thinks Inez and her girlfriend are going to fool around with him, but I don’t know. That’s their personal life, and I’d rather not know either way.

  Diego and Inez left separately, and I rode with Malcom to his place.

  We’re sitting on the couch watching a movie. Between the sound of the rain hitting the roof and him massaging my feet, I’m about to fall asleep.

  His phone rings, and I jerk my feet from his hands and sit up straight. While I rub my eyes and yawn, he answers.

  “Yeah.” There’s a pause while he listens. “No, it’s fine. I'll be there in twenty minutes to get her.”

  I stand and put my shoes on while he grabs his keys from the counter. “Do you care to drop me off at my car?”

  “You can come with me if you want. Elsie is scared of the storm and wants me to come and get her.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude,” I say as we walk out the door and make our way to his Explorer.

  “I’m sure. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t want you to.” When we're on the road he says, “But there is one small thing. I normally sleep in Elsie’s bed with her. She likes me there, and I don’t mind it. She’s slept alone before, but since she’s scared, I think she’s going to want me to sleep with her tonight. You can have my bed.”

  I don’t say anything. I would much rather sleep next to him, especially if I’m in his house, but I know she comes first. He’s letting me in more than I think he has anyone in a long time. “Okay.”

  He elbows me in the arm. “You seem to take up all the bed anyway.”

  “I do not!” I don’t think I do. Stephen never complained.

  “You slept spread eagle the last time you stayed over. You were sideways in the bed. I was pinned down by your legs and could barely move. I was scared I might wake you if I moved and eventually, I fell back to sleep.”

  I cover my mouth with my hand. I had no idea. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. You’re awful cute when you sleep.”

  EIGHTEEN

  I’m in the driver’s seat of Malcom’s Explorer driving us back to his place. Elsie clung to him as soon as he arrived to get her, and he asked me to drive. He’s sitting in the back seat with her now. I peek in the rearview mirror while we go under a streetlight and see she’s snuggled into his side. Her face is hidden in his armpit. He smiles at me with hooded eyes.

  The storm has let up, but the streets are covered in water. I focus the rest of the drive back because I’d hate to get into a car accident. They are precious cargo, and his Explorer seems to veer to the right if I don’t hold the wheel a certain way.

  She’s asleep when I park. Malcom carries her up the steps, and we stand in front of the door. “You have the keys,” he whispers.

  I look down at my right hand. There are only three keys on the key ring, and only one of them is shaped like a house key. I use the same key to unlock the deadbolt and the doorknob. I hold the door open as he carries Elsie across the threshold.

  I shut and lock the door. When I turn around, he has disappeared into her room. It’s past midnight now and I’m tired. I go into his room and feel like I’m an intruder. I don’t want to rummage through his clothes without asking, but I like sleeping in his t-shirts. I remove my shoes, socks, pants, and bra. I quickly pee and regret flushing the toilet as soon as the pipes make
a loud bang. I hope I didn’t wake Elsie.

  On my way back to Malcom’s bed, I spot a shirt on the floor. I pick it up and discover that it smells like vanilla and oranges mixed with cedarwood. I take off my shirt and pull his on. I turn off the light, crawl under the covers of his bed, and drift off to sleep alone.

  Something wakes me up. I don’t want to wake up yet. I will myself back to sleep, but something begins to tap my backside as it grows. I turn over to the view of Malcom with a smug grin on his face. I don’t remember him coming to bed.

  He uses his right hand to stroke my forehead. “Have I told you how beautiful you are?”

  “You haven’t smelled my breath yet. How long have you been in here?”

  “I came in about fifteen minutes after I laid Elsie down. I couldn’t go to sleep. I came to see if you were still up too, but you were out cold. Snoring like a baby.”

  I elbow him in the gut. “I can’t help it. I was tired.” He thrust his hips into my side, and I feel his growing length beneath his underwear. “Your daughter is in the next room mister.”

  “She’s asleep. We can be quiet,” he says as he brushes my lips with his thumb.

  “You can do whatever you want. I’m going to bed. This is the first time I’ve been here with her here too, and I don’t want her accidentally walking in on us.”

  “Sugar Tits is turning me down,” he says as he rolls over.

  “It’s not like that, and you know it.”

  He flips back over. “I know. I’m just playin’.”

  “You better just be playin’. I want her to like me, not hate me.”

  I didn’t get to stay long this morning before heading back to meet the boys at the house. But before I left, Malcom made breakfast. Elsie and I sat at the bar while he made cinnamon pancakes and sausage links. She asked him to make the pancakes look like hearts, but they ended up looking more like ovals with weird lumps. They tasted exceptional. I hated to leave.

  Elsie seemed to really cling to me. She was sitting on my lap playing on her iPad when I had to leave. Malcom said she clings to all younger women, and he thinks she’s looking for a mom. It broke my heart to hear that. He said that’s why he doesn’t bring anyone around her. He doesn’t want her to get attached to someone and they leave.