Why It's Called a Goodbye Read online

  When I get the door open, he says, “Adaline.”

  Annoyed I reply, “What?”

  “What’s wrong? I tried to be nice and bring you a drink, yet you ignored me the entire time while I had to endure that crap you chicks like. I’d have rather listened to pop country, and I hate that shit.”

  I look around like I care. “Where’s your girlfriend?”

  “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  “The girl at the bar then. Your date.”

  “I don’t date.”

  “Sure, looked like a date to me. Surely you have a woman…”

  “Oh, I have females.”

  Cocky much? “Females?”

  “Yeah, ones I rotate when I want to have a good time.”

  “None of them want to date?”

  “I try to not let them get attached, but one seems to have anyway. I stopped responding to her. I’ve lost out on some relationships because I won’t give them the time they want. I haven’t really hung out with any of them in about two months. I make sure they don’t know each other or don’t like each other. I focus ninety-eight percent of my time on Elsie.”

  “Ms. Giggles didn’t make it to the exclusive list of women you rotate?”

  He chuckles and says, “Ms. Giggles was just some chick who was sitting at the bar at the same time I was sitting at the bar. I was only being friendly until I saw you. Diego was supposed to be meeting me tonight, but he ditched.”

  “Diego?”

  “Diego Suarez, he was the foreign exchange student in high school. Star of the soccer team. Ring a bell?”

  I have no clue who he’s talking about. “I thought you were the star of the soccer team?”

  “That’s nice of you to say, but he was always better than me.”

  “You’re the only person I remember who played soccer when we were in high school.”

  He laughs. “You do know it takes eighteen to make a team? I wasn’t the only one.”

  I cross my arms over my chest. “So, you left the chick at the bar just to bring me a drink?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I hated the movie too, by the way,” I admit.

  “I thought chicks loved that sorta thing?”

  “I do normally. They’re fun to watch. The guy and girl always say they can’t be with each other for some reason or another, but in the end, they fall in love. I’m no longer in love with anyone, so it’s just sad.”

  He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks on his heels like he isn’t ready to end the conversation.

  “You haven’t asked why I’m here, back in town with my kids, living with my parents.”

  “Not my business.”

  “Don’t you wonder?” I know people around town have already been asking my parents.

  “Sure, I wonder about a lot of things. Doesn’t mean it’s my place to ask.”

  Well, I’ll ask a question then. “Where’s your daughter?”

  “With her grandmother.”

  “You don’t give up much either.”

  “What do you mean? You asked a question, and I answered. That’s where she is.”

  “Okay then, can I leave now?”

  He takes a step closer to me, “I thought we were going to be friends.”

  “Malcom Murray wants to be my friend?”

  “Sure, I have multiple female friends.”

  I laugh. I do not want to be one of his females… “Call up Ms. Giggles. I’m sure she’d like to be one of your friends.”

  “What? I left her and watched the awful movie with you… Plus, she’s not someone I’d like to have as a friend. Too shallow, had no personality.”

  “I don’t have time for friends right now.”

  “Well, I’m usually here every other Saturday night. Usually with Diego. Maybe you and Inez could join Diego and me sometime.”

  “Yeah, I’ll think about it.” I will not be hanging out with him and another female, that’s for sure. I had really hoped he were single. I guess he technically is, but he seems to have women giggling their way into his heart. I get in my car.

  He prevents me from shutting my door and says, “I don’t have Ms. Giggles’, as you called her, number so I couldn’t call her even if I wanted to. Which I don’t.” He stands up straight. “Well, see ya around, Adaline.”

  I say, “Good night Malcom,” before closing my door.

  I see his lips mouth, “Good night,” as he disappears to the other side of his vehicle.

  SIX

  The boys are set to arrive back today, so I’ve been chewing on my nails all morning. I’m trying to quit smoking. It isn’t me, and I’d feel horrible if the boys ever found out. I haven’t heard from them since before I left for the Brew & View last evening, and I’m beginning to worry they may decide to stay with their father.

  I didn’t think it through, letting them go. I shouldn’t have let them go. They’ll never want to come back to a mom who can barely take care of them on her own when they could stay with him and have everything they’ll ever want or need.

  I’ve tried to call both boys’ cell phones, but they go straight to voicemail. I can’t handle this. I clutch my chest and unblock Stephen. He picks up on the first ring.

  He sounds overly cocky when his voice erupts from the phone, “I knew you’d call eventually.”

  “Stephen, are the boys okay? I can’t get ahold of them.”

  “I had them turn their phones off.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “Because if you think I’m agreeing to this divorce shit, you’re crazy.”

  Shit. Shit. Shit. He got the papers. I thought they were stuck in Wyoming.

  He growls, “The boys told me.”

  Oh. “Can we talk about this when they aren’t around?”

  “Oh, we’re gonna talk about it as soon as we arrive in an hour. Don’t worry, your boys are asleep. We’ve been on the road since five this morning.”

  “They’re our boys, Stephen.”

  I took a shower and did my makeup. I don’t know why. I haven’t cared to try and impress Stephen in a long time. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I stopped caring about putting in effort, but he never put in any effort either.

  I take in a deep breath. I’m not going to let him make me feel bad for leaving when he’s the one who cheated. It’s not like I never had the opportunity. I had men who seemed interested, but I always ignored them. I’m married.

  I sit at the kitchen bar and drink my third cup of coffee while I wait for them to make their appearance. They should be here any minute now; however, I will not argue in front of the boys. I chew off what’s left of my left thumb nail. It rips, causing me to begin to bleed, so I run to the sink as the door opens as the blood circles down the drain.

  “Dad’s waiting outside,” Atticus says as he plops down on the couch, and Sawyer runs past me up the stairs.

  They’re here, that’s a good sign. Now if only I didn’t have to have a conversation with their father.

  I step out into the humid late-August air and notice her before I notice him. She’s sitting in the front of his car. I don’t know who she is. I never got a good look at Kitty besides her feet. Maybe he has multiple whores.

  I shouldn’t call her a whore, that’s mean. I’m better than that.

  “You brought her here!” I scream, sure to alarm some of my parents’ neighbors. He actually looks good too, and I hate that I’m still attracted to him after what he did. What he’s still doing.

  “She’s just a colleague. I need someone to keep me company on the trip home.”

  “Someone to keep you company, KEEP YOU COMPANY! Just leave. I will not have a screaming match with you in front of her or the boys. You can talk to my lawyer.”

  “It’s not what you think, Addy,” Stephen says as I see a familiar Explorer drive past. The windows are down on the vehicle, and I notice Malcom driving with a little girl in the backseat. She has the same color hair as his, but hers is longer. I watch them unti
l they round the corner out of sight.

  I stomp my foot because I am so mad right now. “Oooh, it’s not what I think. Is she the tramp from your office?”

  “Addy.”

  “You know you’re still married to me, right?”

  “Add…”

  I cut him off, “Just stop, Stephen. Leave. My lawyer will be in contact.”

  “Is Inez your lawyer?”

  I swear I could hit him right now. He never liked Inez. He’s about to not like her a whole lot more. I’m not answering him. I turn and walk slowly while I do a deep breathing technique until I’m safely behind the house door.

  There’s no one in the living room. I’m glad. I snatch up my phone from the counter and make my way to the back porch.

  I’m not even sure what I plan to do. I’m supposed to be meeting Inez today, but now I don’t feel like it. I’m not really in a brunch kind of mood. I’m in a I want to hit things kind of mood.

  Me: Is there anywhere close where we can go, and I can scream at the top of my lungs?

  Inez: I know just the place. Be there in ten.

  We’ve been in Inez’s car for thirty minutes now. “Where are you taking me? Are you planning on leaving me in the woods?” I joke.

  “Yep, brought you out here in broad daylight to murder you, actually.”

  She pulls off on a dirt road where there is a small sign dangling from one corner that reads “Nature Preserve”. We continue on for about a mile before she parks. It’s quiet because there are no other people out here that I can tell. Crazy how I lived here for all of my childhood, and I’ve never been out here.

  Inez steps out and stretches her arms above her head. “Are you gonna scream or are you going tell me what’s going on?”

  I take in a deep breath and scream. I scream in a pitch I didn’t know my voice could hit anymore. I scream until my lungs are depleted of oxygen, and then I do it all over again.

  I loosen my shoulders as I let out what air is left in me before I fall to the ground. I begin to cry. Inez lies down beside me and remains quiet while I cry. I cry for me. I cry for the boys. I cry for the career I never had. And then I make the decision to stop crying. I stand up and choose to stop whining about everything I don’t have or I’m losing. I will make things happen.

  I look at Inez who has a puzzled expression on her face. “Everything I want I can make it happen myself without Stephen. I can do it. I can.”

  “Yes, you can,” she says as I begin to walk back to the car. “What is that exactly?”

  I turn around just as the end of my heel gets wedged in between the gravel. I need to think more about the boys and less about my pride. “I’m going to make this writing thing work. I’ll find another job if I have to. I don’t want to ask Stephen for money, but I assume I’m entitled to some. I’ll use it to stay afloat until I can move out of my parents’.”

  “I’m glad you came around to the idea of taking some of your money. It is yours too, Addy. I know he’s the one who works, but you could get fifty percent easy enough and child support for the boys.”

  “I don’t want too much. Just enough to keep me afloat.”

  “I kinda already asked for fifty, plus child support. I could have asked for seventy-five since he cheated, and you have the video.”

  “I don’t want to use the video unless he just plain refuses. Is there any way we can get a dissolution? I hear those finish a lot faster.”

  “You could, if he agrees to the terms.”

  I feel defeated. “He won’t.”

  I’m sitting cross-legged on my parents’ couch eating Fritos. I dip a chip in liquid cheese and look at the muted television. I don’t know what’s playing. The people on the screen are all overly tan and day drinking. One just attempted to sit on a bar stool but fell on the floor.

  Atticus is out back kicking a soccer ball around, and Sawyer is upstairs playing video games, I assume. My parents are on the front porch, like every evening. They sit out there in the swing and watch the traffic. They stare at the empty street for hours, not saying a word to one another. I never understood this, seems boring, but they’ve been doing it as long as I can remember. The only time they haven’t has been if one of them was sick.

  My phone vibrates beside me with a number I don’t recognize. It’s a text. I blocked Stephen again. I wouldn’t put it past him to get another number just to reach out. I open it up assuming it’s him.

  Unknown number: Just wanted to reach out to let you know soccer practice is tomorrow at 5:30.

  Me: Okay. Who is this?

  Unknown number: Mac

  Me: Malcom?

  Malcom: Yeah.

  Me: How did you get my number?

  Malcom: When you filled out Atticus’ enrollment form.

  Me: Okay. I’ll make sure Atticus is there.

  Malcom: Everything okay? I drove past your parents’ place earlier, and you seemed upset. You were standing outside.

  Me: Are you stalking me?

  Malcom: Haha, no. I was picking Elsie up from her grandmother’s. Angie lives at the end of the road.

  Me: Yeah, I’m fine.

  Malcom: I’ve heard that one before. If a girl says she’s fine, she is not fine.

  Me: Guess you’re right. Nothing you can fix though. Thanks for asking.

  Malcom: Is your other son not into soccer?

  Me: Sawyer doesn’t do sports. Unless you consider video games a sport…

  Malcom: I do not

  Me: Why? Need another team player? I thought you were full?

  Malcom: Just making conversation

  Me: Oh

  Malcom: Yeah

  Me: Run out of things to ask already?

  Malcom: Kinda, lol

  Me: Well, it was my husband that I was arguing with out on the front lawn, but I’m sure you could tell. I’ll spare you all the gory details, but he brought her. The girl he cheated on me with. Am I not attractive?

  I hit send before I thought that through. My fingers typed so fast. I wish I could delete it before he sees it.

  Malcom: You’re attractive

  Me: I just feel like there’s something wrong with me

  Malcom: You’re fine. Guys are stupid and thirsty. We do stupid things before we think. We think, ya know, with our appendage and not our brains.

  Me: That’s not really making me feel better

  Malcom: I’m sorry. I’m horrible with small talk

  Me: Then why were you trying to make conversation?

  Malcom: I don’t know. I wanted to make you feel better, I guess. But I screwed it up.

  Me: Why don’t you go make conversation with one of your females?

  Malcom: I didn’t mean to upset you. Have a good night.

  Me: Good night, Malcom.

  I have so many questions. I read back through the texts. He referred to Elsie’s grandma as Angie and not mom. Angie must be Elsie’s mom’s mom. I wonder who Elsie’s mom is… I want to activate my social media just to snoop, but that would only lead me to more misery. I could ask Inez, but I don’t want her to think I’m curious about Malcom Murray. I’ve already asked Mom enough questions about him. I’m sure she’ll become suspicious if she isn’t already.

  He wanted to keep the conversation going, but he’s horrible at doing that. I’m sure there are girls drooling themselves to sleep at night over him. Why would he want to make small talk with me? Why was I so mean to him about his females?

  He seems to have Elsie a lot. A lot more than every other weekend. He must have joint custody with her mom. I’m sure Stephen will ask for fifty-fifty, but he’s rarely home. He’ll just have to settle for less. I really hope he doesn’t put up too much of a fight. I hope he doesn’t try to make me move back closer to him. I read online that some divorces end in you not being able to live farther than fifty miles from the other parent.

  I’m not sure I’m going to survive this divorce.

  SEVEN

  It’s been two weeks since the boys came back f
rom their father’s and he’s asked to have them again this weekend. I only agreed because we have a mediation appointment with our lawyers on Sunday afternoon. It was the only day he would agree to. He said he couldn’t take off work during the week for it. Typical Stephen Ripley behavior. Work has always seemed to come first.

  I don’t know how I did it, but I’ve written over half of this trashy romance novel in the last two weeks. I submitted the unedited chapters on Friday to see if they like where it’s going. I don’t care for it, but it doesn’t matter how I feel as long as they like it and pay me.

  I’ve been going to all of Atticus’ games and I was given my first sports report for The Hive. I am to write up something on the high school athletes. They want it to mainly focus on the seniors. I do not know any of the seniors on Atticus’ team, and apparently, he doesn’t either. I really didn’t want to bother Malcom, especially with how our last conversation went, but he’s really the only person I know who can help me.

  Me: I kinda need your help with the seniors on your team. I’m writing a piece for The Hive

  Malcom: You’re a writer?

  Me: More of a hobby, but yes, I need your help with names and maybe even phone numbers?

  Malcom: I’ll send out a group text and include you in it. Make sure it doesn’t interfere with games or practice. Please.

  Me: I’ll make sure. By the way, Atticus will be missing practice tomorrow morning. Sorry.

  Malcom: Okay, he’ll need to make it up. I don’t like for them to miss.

  Me: The boys are going to see their dads for the weekend.

  Malcom: You didn’t have to say why. It’s none of my business. But since you did, that means you’ll be at the Brew & View tomorrow night. Right?

  Oh no. I hadn’t planned on actually going there this weekend. If he’s going to help me, maybe I should be nice.

  Me: Will Diego be there?

  Malcom: Usually is

  Me: Females?

  Malcom: No females.

  Me: I’ll see if Inez is free then

  Malcom: So, you’re coming?

  Me: Maybe. See you at the game later.